Question: Can men and women have healthy friendships?

Question: Can men and women have healthy friendships?

The scripture calls women and men into a relationship with each other under Christ. Paul told us to treat the younger women as sisters and the older women as mothers. This tells me that there ought to be healthy relationships between women and men and that there is a place for this. We also see that both Paul and Jesus had healthy relationships with women. I think one of our faults that hinders this is that our focus in getting to know others from the opposite sex is easily set on pursuing a spouse. In our culture, our relationships with the opposite sex are often associated with finding a spouse. I don’t believe this is Biblical. My relationships with other women should be focused on treating them as sisters and mothers and fellow servants in the Lord. My focus should be learning how to encourage and build them up in the Lord, not finding a spouse. My attitude should be how can I serve and put others above myself. When I meet other women my focus should not be looking for a wife. God is sufficient to let us know when it is time to pursue. I do not believe we seek a wife by social events. I believe we seek wife, by prayer, feeding on God’s word, and walking in the counsel with other men (and this is an active thing, but it is not the focus of our relationships with others). I know for myself I do not have enough wisdom to figure out who I should marry and if I am seeking a wife through social events or friendships, I will get all messed up in my emotions. But when I seek a wife on my knees and in God’s word and through godly counsel, there is an awesome assurance, certainty, and security. The steps I take to pursue a wife become firm. In my relationship with other women my pursuit is to point them to Christ and to encourage them in the Lord, not to me. I think that the line is that we treat others as sisters and mothers, not in the sense that I can do anything I can do with my own natural sisters or mother, but in the sense that I am protecting a healthy and secure relationship with proper boundaries. Instead of drawing their heart toward me, I am encouraging them in the Lord. This takes work, maturity, and learning how to communicate. And this does mean that some lines will be drawn on how you treat other women, but this does not mean that there can’t be healthy friendships. As for as how this looks practically, some of this stuff is still new to me, and I am still learning.

My Prayer for Marriage

o The Lord will have His rightful place, the first (the only) place. He is my first love.

o To live by faith

o To pursue others with faithfulness

o To honor my sisters

o To be pure, to be a man of honor

o That you will prepare my heart to be a home

o Lord, I want to be a one woman man, save my heart for my wife, and if or until I am married, Lord have my heart.

o To trust that You will keep what I have committed to You

o To trust that You will meet my deepest needs and desires in this area

o You are the good Shepherd

o To lay it down at Your feet, to live fully as a single man - to commit myself to You (Being single is not to seek marriage, but to be free to seek the Lord undistracted, devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. We will pursue Him alone, seeking no other.)