Biblical Womanhood, Part 1

Biblical Womanhood, Part 2

Biblical Womanhood, Part 3

Biblical Womanhood, Part 4

Biblical Womanhood, Part 5

Biblical Womanhood, Part 6

Biblical Womanhood, Part 7

Biblical Womanhood, Part 8

Biblical Manhood, Part 1

Biblical Manhood, Part 2

Biblical Manhood, Part 3

Biblical Manhood, Part 4

Biblical Manhood, Part 5

Biblical Manhood, Part 6

Biblical Manhood, Part 7

Biblical Manhood, Part 8

My Prayer for Marriage

o The Lord will have His rightful place, the first (the only) place. He is my first love.

o To live by faith

o To pursue others with faithfulness

o To honor my sisters

o To be pure, to be a man of honor

o That you will prepare my heart to be a home

o Lord, I want to be a one woman man, save my heart for my wife, and if or until I am married, Lord have my heart.

o To trust that You will keep what I have committed to You

o To trust that You will meet my deepest needs and desires in this area

o You are the good Shepherd

o To lay it down at Your feet, to live fully as a single man - to commit myself to You (Being single is not to seek marriage, but to be free to seek the Lord undistracted, devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. We will pursue Him alone, seeking no other.)

Male Leadership

Washing with the Word/Sanctification
Ephesians 5:25-27
"25Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, 26so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless."

It can be frustrating, not having obtained perfection, to still fail and let God down. Our walk on this earth is not one of perfection, but of being perfected -sanctification. When we become saved, God doesn't take a huge fire hose and blast us with water to get rid of all the dirt. No, instead He comes close and gently washes us with the word. I don't understand why God does this, why we aren't made perfect. I hate the fact that I still sin. But I do know that this is romance, and somehow in all this, the romantic, gentle, loving character of God comes through. So in this walk where I am not perfect there is beauty and intimacy; and I am falling more in love with my Beloved, who washes me with His word.

You see it is Christ who washes us, who sanctifies us, who is the perfecter of our faith. We don’t wash ourselves. When Peter refused this, Jesus said, “If I do not wash you, you have no share with me.” And note here how gentle and romantic this is. Not only does he wash us (a very romantic picture), but He washes us with His word. I think of my wife (if it is the Lord’s will) and how much she will desire me to speak gently to her and how deeply that will touch her heart. This passage is extremely intense and romantic. And that is what Christ does for us. He touches the deepest parts of our hearts in a way no one else can.

“The Christian does not think God will love us because we are good, but that God will make us good because He loves us.” – C.S. Lewis

Isaiah 61:10-11
"10I will rejoice greatly in the LORD,
My soul will exult in my God;
For He has clothed me with garments of salvation,
He has wrapped me with a robe of righteousness,
As a bridegroom decks himself with a garland,
And as a bride adorns herself with her jewels.
11For as the earth brings forth its sprouts,
And as a garden causes the things sown in it to spring up,
So the Lord GOD will cause righteousness and praise
To spring up before all the nations. "

Jesus is a good Shepherd. Do you trust him in your struggles, failures, hurt, in the valley of the shadow of Death?

Do you believe that He is a God who is with us in the realities of life and in the darkest parts of this world?

Additional readings: Ephesians 3:14-20; Romans 8:28-39; Reading - Our Security in Him ,
Video – At the cross

based on a discussion with the men at church, Sunday, October 7, 2007; written Wednsday 10th

"Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes it and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body."

Husbands, I think we often respond in our flesh in trying to "fix" our wives or even to be more spiritual "to make them more godly". God has commanded us to sanctify our wives through loving her, giving up ourselves for her, and gently washing her with the word. Husbands, this is a romantic picture of love. Imagine the physical picture of this and do this with you words, emotions, and actions toward your wife. There is nothing more romantic. This love is not weak; our love is to come from the strength of Christ. We are to nourish and wash her with the word and truth. We are to love as men and are to shepherd our family towards Christ. It is a love that has amazing strength and integrity to it but is also full of tenderness. We are to live with her in an understanding way learning how to cherish and nourish her. Our words and actions should build her up, not tear her down. And just as Christ's love is effectual in sanctifying our hearts, our love through Christ will be effectual in changing our wives. God says that an ungodly man can be changed by a godly wife's respect (1 Peter 3). An ungodly wife can be changed by the love of her husband. So whether or not she is godly or not, we are free to passionately love her, knowing that our love is effectual.

Husbands, when we act in our flesh to "fix" our wives, we are responding just as bad as the nagging wife. We are in sin. We must also be careful; we are to wash our wife gently with the word, not our desires. And we are to do this in an understanding way that honors her. In fact the scripture says that if we respond with our flesh, God will not hear our prayers. "Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered."

So men, walk in freedom and extravagantly love your wives.

Laying down your life

Praying this morning, I was struck by the thought, that God has called husbands to lay down their lives for their wives. I am to be for her. I cannot live for me. Its not about what I want or what I feel I need from her. My goal is to build her up in the Lord and to love her and to lay down my life for her. This is not a wimpy kind of love. It is a love that firmly calls us to deny ourselves, take up our cross, and follow Jesus. And we must follow Jesus to be the husbands our wives need.

This does not just apply to marriage. We cannot live our lives for ourselves. We must have the same attitude as Christ and lay down our lives for others.

Godly boasting

On Sunday, I was with a community group at our church and I listened as the men would boast about their wives. They couldn't help it. You could tell it was a common, natural tendency and that these men were passionate about their wives. It felt good to be among men who highly valued their wives. The boasts that these men made came from their heart and the character that God was putting in them. It was a picture of the Proverbs 31 woman, the one where the husbands heart trusts in her and where the husband praises her. It was very beautiful. And I believe this is a characteristic of a godly husband, one bursting with thankfulness and good things about his wife. A gody husband boasts about his wife. God commands the husband to love his wife and I believe that should be evident and burst forth to the world.

Loving Others

A close married friend of mine was talking with me, today. And he said that when you get married you marry for "better or for worse" and sometimes that "worse" is you hurting because you know that you are not the man you want to be for your wife. You don't always know how to be there for her or give her what she needs. And you want so much more for her. But you don't back away. And you are not to be afraid of being her husband. You continue to be her husband and to walk with the Lord in loving her. You are her husband for "better or for worse", even when that "worse" is you.

This convicted me because I don't always feel adequate to be there for others and I always want to give so much more than I seem able to. I don't need to hide because I feel inadequate or because I hurt so much because I do not know how to be there. Sometimes you have to realize, regardless of you adequacy, it does not stop you from being a friend. And sometimes that is all you know how to be "for better or for worse".

Leaf letter

Washing your wife with the Word

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless.
----------------------Ephesians 5:25-27

It can be fustrating, not having obtained perfection, to still fail and let God down. Our walk on this earth is not one of perfection, but of being perfected -sanctification. When we become saved, God doesn't take a huge fire hose and blast us with water. No, instead He comes close and gently washes us with the word. I don't understand why God does this, why we aren't made perfect. I hate the fact that I still sin. But I do know that this is romance, and somehow in all this, the romantic, gentle, loving character of God comes through. So in this walk where I am not perfect there is beauty and intimacy; and I am falling more in love with my Beloved.

Love at first sight

Two of my sisters had babies over the Summer, a boy and a girl. Recently, I went to go see my new niece for the first time. That sister already had a girl, who I thought was the greatest neice any uncle could have, so I was a little nervous about seeing this new baby girl. I couldn't see loving her more and I didn't want to have favorites. Funny, fear I know, but it was there. Anyways, I walked in the door and saw my new neice and instantly loved her and knew there would be no favorites. My other sister sent me pictures of my nephew and he is amazing.

Not only do I love them, but a huge hunger to teach them about God and what it means to walk with the Lord stirred up in me. To be there for them and establish a godly heritage. It was interesting, I've heard how father's are changed when they see their child for the first time. I think I understand a little bit of what that's like.

Cinderella

To serve

Written Sunday, December 17, 2006

It is not my purpose to be great, but instead to make others great. This is my treasure. This is my reward in the Lord.

Teaching life not "rules"

If you teach them "rules", then they have something to rebel against. If you teach them life and truth, then they have something to love.

Look into my eyes

written in 2005

I listened as a man told a story on the radio about him and his wife on their honeymoon. His wife had just gotten out of the shower in the morning and as she looked at herself in the mirror she began to point out parts of her that were unattractive. Her husband walked up to her and placed his arms around her and faced her towards himself. He told her that she was insulting his wife; he would not have that. Then he gently said, “Look into my eyes.” She looked into his eyes; it was obvious in his eyes that there was no woman more beautiful. As she looked at him he said, “Let my eyes be your mirror.” He would go on to tell her that throughout their marriage.

After hearing this story, I could hear Christ saying, “Look into my eyes, Let my eyes be your mirror.” I thought about this and I questioned whether or not I wanted this. I don’t want to just be told that I am loved. I want to face my sin. I want to have victory over it. I do not just want to be told that I am wonderful and still be left in my sin. Then I thought about Jesus’ gaze, the gaze that penetrates the deepest parts of the heart, leaving nothing unsearched. How it is stern and loving. Jesus says, “Look into my eyes.” I realized that His gaze not only searches the inmost being, but it also purifies the deepest sin.

As we look into His eyes we see such great love, as He holds us in His arms and tells us that we are lovely. How could this be? A gaze so piercing and yet it contains such an enravished and gentle love, one drop being more than all the poems could contain. One drop bringing healing to our hurting heart. Such a love that makes you forget about yourself and abandon all as you are enraptured in romance of the Beloved. Now, all that matters is being with Him.

I also came to realize, if our eyes are on Jesus then we will be doing what Jesus is doing as Jesus did what the Father was doing. When we trust Him fully with our hearts we will go where He goes. Romance is at the heart of sanctification and holiness.

So let us, look into His eyes and let Him be are mirror. “Behold the Lamb of God, who takes away the sin of the world.” This is not a gaze into our idea or concept of who Jesus is. But it is the gaze of a broken and contrite heart that trembles at God’s word and allows His truth to run wild and rule as a lion, without compromise. It is a humble walk before our Creator and Lord. It is a gaze that lets Christ be who He is and a gaze that allows us to be who He is creating us to be.


“But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for God’s own possession, so that you may proclaim the excellencies of Him who has called you out of darkness into His Marvelous light . . .” 1 Peter 2:9

Defending a woman's strength

9Likewise, I want women to adorn themselves with proper clothing, modestly and discreetly, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly garments, 10but rather by means of good works, as is proper for women making a claim to godliness. 11A woman must quietly receive instruction with entire submissiveness. 12But I do not allow a woman to teach or exercise authority over a man, but to remain quiet. 13For it was Adam who was first created, and then Eve. 14And it was not Adam who was deceived, but the woman being deceived, fell into transgression. 15But women will be preserved through the bearing of children if they continue in faith and love and sanctity with self-restraint.

-----------------1 Timothy 2:7-15

1Timothy 2:10 rather by means of good works, as is proper for women

I think it is important to realize that Paul here is fighting against the oppression of women. They have a valued role in the church that only they can fill. No man can fill it. And if it is taken away, it is taken away at great loss to the church, who needs women to be strong. If you read Paul's writings and the rest of the scripture it is very clear that it not Paul's heart nor the heart of God to restrict women. Paul knows that there is a strength and power that God has given women and he is fighting for that. He does not want to see them stripped away of their strength, power, dignity, and influence. He is fighting for Womanhood, something that is vital for the church to be strong. Their strength is being striped away from them, when we don't believe God. It is like stripping the pedals off a flower and telling it that it must be a tree to have worth. Don't underestimate the power of a flower and don't underestimate a woman who is godly, she has the strength to capture hearts and to change the world. God is very clear that He intends a woman to have strength and dignity and influence. When we try to do this in our own wisdom we hinder the beauty that God has given women. In walking in our own wisdom we oppress women and embrace the world, instead of trusting in a God who loves us and cares for us and knows us best. Often these scriptures are approached with such a fear of loosing ones rights that all objectivity is lost, instead of aproaching God's word with confidence that He is trustworthy and what He says is for our good, and that its ok to take an honest and objective look at these scriptures. It is really ok, God is safe. God turns the strength and wisdom of this world over and destroys it with something far greater and more beautiful. He is an amazing God. And His dreams for us are so much bigger than our own. He is truly worthy of our trust.

And as a church we should be at the forefront of defending the honor and dignity of people, and this includes women. As a church we should also be encouraging people to trust and fear God and to believe His word.

For me, I have a huge longing to see women have more of a role and influence in the church and society, and my heart breaks to see the high standing that God has for women being torn down by our doubt and fear and by the oppression of the wisdom of this world. I for one believe in women and what they have to give to the church and society.

Here a site on this:
http://manhoodandwomanhood.googlepages.com/womeninthechurch

The Wife of your youth

written 2007

In Proverbs 31, King Lemuel sets down to write as he recalls “the utterance which his mother taught him”. These are the words that a mother installed into her son as a youth, and the words that he carried with him as a man. His mother taught him, “Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain” . . . “Do not give your strength to women, or your ways to that which destroys kings.” She warns him not to pursue a woman based on outward appearances and pretences, but to cherish incorruptible and satisfying beauty.

As men since we were little we have been hit by the message of the world. It is the adulteress of Proverbs crying out at every corner, “come here this is what is beautiful; this is what will satisfy” (paraphrased). We so often believe these words (“With much seductive speech she persuades him”), and we chase after the lust of our eyes and follow the lures of the adulterous woman, unaware that it will cost us our life, “for many a victim has she laid low, and all her slain are a mighty throng”. It is as if we are spiritually mad, running after things that have never satisfied us, but only cause us to thirst more. And yet in our thirst, we continue in this madness; we forsake the spring of life for broken cisterns. It destroys men. Proverbs describes its end as death, Jesus describes it as hell. “It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell." Men, if you think a beautiful woman will satisfy your physical desires, you are sadly mistaken. “Death and Destruction are never satisfied, and neither are the eyes of men.” Our hearts are made for the Lord. This culture has lied to us about what beauty is, it cries out at every corner, and we have bought into it, even in the church. We have let the world cheat us and we have settled for less than what God has for us. It should cause us to weep and be angry.

But that is not the end of this mother’s words, “but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised”. . . “She is far more precious than jewels”. The scripture talks of a woman whose worth exceeds jewels, who is worthy of praise, and is to be honored, and who will also fully gratify all our physical longings and desires. Her beauty goes beyond the imagination of men, is captivating and fully satisfying, and meets the deepest longings of our hearts. It is incorruptible. “Do not let your adornment be merely outward – arranging of the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel – rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God.” This is not an outward appearance or pretence of godliness, but a deep inner walk with the Lord. It is woman who has a deep trust in the Lord and embraces womanhood.

Men, this beauty is not just spiritual, it is also physically satisfying. God does not ignore the physical aspect to beauty. God is honest about our physical longings. In Proverbs it says,

“Let your fountain be blessed,and rejoice in the wife of your youth,a lovely deer, a graceful doe.
Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight;
be intoxicated always in her love.
Why should you be intoxicated, my son, with a forbidden womanand embrace the bosom of an adulteress?”

God commands us to be “intoxicated always” by the love of our wife and to be filled “at all times with delight”. God describes ones wife as beautiful, “a lovely deer, a graceful doe.” This passage is not talking about a young wife with a young body that fits with the world’s description of beauty, but a wife that has grown old with you. She may not have the body of a young woman, but she has the only body that can fully satisfy her husband. The word “fill” here means to have abundance, to be saturated, to have more than enough, to take ones fill. In other words, to have every physical longing filled and to have no need for more. Your wife will fill every physical longing you have. You may be intoxicated by the love of a forbidden woman, but her embrace will never fill your physical longings. “Death and Destruction are never satisfied, and neither are the eyes of men.” To rejoice in your wife is a command of God to the men, and I don’t believe God will command something He won’t perform. If you find a godly wife, God will satisfy your every physical longing for beauty as well. It will be filled and overflowing. Men, “let your fountain be blessed”! The Lord is faithful; trust Him to fulfill what He has promised. Do not be led astray by the lies of the adulteress; by death.

This is the standard of what should attract us as men as we pursue to find a wife, physical attributes or pretenses should no longer be the standard. And it is a standard by which we are treat other women who are not our wife. It is not only our duty to have this as our standard of beauty, but it is also our delight and exceeding joy, as God transforms our definition of beauty to His, and His passions become our own. Women need this from us, the passion of God through us, declaring to them that they as women are beautiful, more precious then jewels. Oh, how “good and acceptable and perfect” is the will of God and how wonderful is His gifts to us!

I know it can be hard, we are hit by television, commercials, the media, by how women dress in our society, even walking in grocery stores with images (although much of this can be stopped, if we act as men). I grew up in this as well and it is hard for me and I struggle. But if we give in to it then we are not walking in godliness or in manhood, but instead eating the vomit of this world. What does the Bible say about this? “Therefore I urge you brethren, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies a living and holy sacrifice, acceptable to God, which is your spiritual service of worship. And not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is that which is good and acceptable and perfect”. We must ask God to transform the way we think, so that it conforms to Christ and His view of women. We as men are to demonstrate Christ’s heart and love for the women in our lives. The change must start here with us, and we must pass this on to our sons and other men, speaking to them while they are still young, defining for them what a beautiful woman is and teaching them to deny the world, the adulteress woman.

I do not think we can do this alone. I know I cannot do this alone; I definitely don’t have it all together. I need other men to walk, in honesty and openness, with me in this, to covenant with me to fight; to not look at a woman with lust. To keep me accountable and speak straight words to me when I compromise; the scripture says that we are not even to have a hint of sexual immorality. I need men to be men. God is good and He is faithful and we can give Him our hearts in this.


Women, this is not just for men, it is for you as well. Women are not innocent in their view of men. Be careful to not be lured by the trappings and pretenses of this world. Look to your Father who provides all things.

True Beauty

Many years ago I watched this movie and one of the scenes stuck with me. The man had drawn a portrait of the woman he loved. When he drew the portrait, he didn’t hide who she was. The portrait was an accurate drawing of what she looked like faults and all. He showed it to her and explained that he knew her, he could see her faults, he didn’t have some fairy tale vision of who she was, but he loved her for who she was and that love was real. This is more than a fairy tale love. Its deeper and more real. And yes, I do want to love my wife this way, Lord willing, but, honestly, I do not know if God will give me a wife, but I do know that I can give this love to others. And I want them to know that Love.

Adoption